4.19.2013

it's you i like

We are checking out at Target a couple days ago. I'm trying to keep AJ from falling out of the back of the cart and as usual I'm thinking of the next thing, which happens to be lunch. It may be an hour away, but it's that rush where I know that all events need to proceed in a timely and orderly fashion to get out of the store, get the bags in the car, get everyone buckled up, get home, and get food on the little plastic plates before everyone is literally screaming for food while at the same time melting. And that moment, when I'm lifting AJ out of the cart is when Hannah hits me with it:

"Why does God make bad people?"

And only by the grace of God I had (what I think was) the right answer. Here are the words God gave me to say:

God doesn't make bad people. God gives people a choice, and sometimes they make bad decisions.

And that was about it. Pretty simple, right? We talked a little more about it, I made sure she understood, and that was about it. She didn't bring it up again, but it weighed on me. What is the matter with people?

If you know me well, you probably know I am pretty fond of Mr. Rogers. When I was feeling really nostalgic last fall I found that eBay had some dvd's available of the old school Mister Rogers Neighborhood (which imo is far superior to Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood) and thought it might be fun to buy one and watch it with them. Was I surprised that they l.o.v.e. it? Not really (because Mister Rogers is cool). Am I surprised that they frequently choose to watch it without me suggesting it? Yes. And no (because Mister Rogers is cool).

I don't really remember much about Mr. Rogers from when I was a kid outside of him coming through the door and changing into one of his seriously cool cardigans and comfy shoes. I respect him and his show so much more now as a parent. His ability to talk to kids with a gentle voice, show them new things in a way that makes them imagine, or relate to others in a new way, and how he could talk to them about their feelings, in a way that children's shows won't can't  don't now.

Let's face it, I don't even want to watch the news much these days, and I'm not even all that fond of facebook anymore. It's so easy to get caught up in the bad or worry about things that don't matter. I was out on a run a couple of weeks ago and I was reminded what power is generated from smiling at someone (a complete stranger) and what immediately crossed my mind was "that's so much better than a facebook like."  Smiling comes out of habit, but how often do I deliberately smile at someone?

As I watched an old school episode of Mr. Rogers with my kids yesterday I was reminded how simple yet powerful the message "It's you I like." (click the link to hear Mr. Rogers sing it!!) Taking time to look at them and tell them how much I love them, every part about them, just the way they are is so essential.  It's not just for kids, sharing this message is as easy as smiling at anyone!

Share a deliberate smile today!

It's you I like,
It's not the things you wear,
It's not the way you do your hair--
But it's you I like.
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you--
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys--
They're just beside you.

But it's you I like--
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like,
It's you yourself,
It's you, it's you I like.
It's You I Like
By Fred M. Rogers
© 1970














3.27.2013

the day our little girl was born...5 years ago today!

3.27.08

I woke up at 12:00am and had to go to the bathroom - that’s when I realized that my water broke!  I called to your dad from the bathroom and told him it was time to go to the hospital.  He answered “Really?” from bed and although he was still half asleep I could tell he was excited!  Then all of the sudden he started to panic about getting things packed for the hospital.  I was the calm one.  “Honey” I said “I already packed our bags - we just need to put them in the car.”  We called the hospital, told Max good-bye and we were on our way. 

The first thing we did on the way was call Aunt Mel and our friend Christina.  They were going to be in the room with us when you were born because Aunt Mel needed to be part of a delivery for nursing school class credit, and we needed another person to help in case your dad wasn’t able to make it through the delivery.  Christina would be there if your dad passed out!  We told them not to get up and come to the hospital yet but to go back to sleep since it would be a long day.
one

When we got to the hospital they checked us into triage, an area where they monitor your contractions and make sure that your water actually did break.  I’m not sure who lies about that sort of thing, or isn’t absolutely sure when it happens?  After a couple hours had passed the nurse came back and told us that indeed labor had begun and we would be getting checked into a room.  She walked us down to the corner room at the end of the hallway and we started to get settled.  The room was called a “delivery suite” because you would be born in the room and then they would clean up everything and we would stay in the same room for a couple days recovering.

We weren’t in the room long when the door opened and in walked Aunt Mel.  We were surprised to see her show up so soon – she told us that after we talked to her there was no way she could go back to sleep…she was too excited!  Aunt Mel had thought of everything; snacks, juice, toys and books, everything we needed to get us through the day!  It was so nice to have her there to help us relax.  As a mom and an experienced nurse she knew what to do - I felt like I had my own personal labor attendant!
 
two
The nurse told us that they would continue to monitor my progression and in the meantime walking around would be a good idea if I felt up to it.  I did, so we walked up and down the hallways stopping at the nursery each time to peek at all of the tiny newborn babies.  I couldn’t believe that we were about to have one of our own.  We decided that the bright neon pink hat would be our choice if we had a girl!  After awhile my contractions seemed to be getting stronger so we went back to the room.  I thought I might try to tough it out, but the more I had, the more I was pretty sure that I would need to get the epidural.  That was confirmed when the first doctor on duty came in and looked at the tape printing on the machine monitoring how strong and frequent my contractions were and said “Not much going on here, huh?”  “Um, WHAT?!  That just felt like someone twisted my insides like a wet washcloth!!” I thought.  Luckily her shift was almost over because I thought that was a pretty insensitive comment for a doctor to make to a pregnant patient in labor!  I knew then if what I had been feeling were only mild contractions that I wouldn’t be able to handle the strong ones without the epidural.

After checking me and monitoring my progress for awhile, the doctor determined that my water had not completely broken.  At this time they decided to put an internal monitor and break my water again.  Ouch!  After that, I was ready for the epidural.  I was scared, but anxious not to feel the pain of the contractions.  Once the medicine started to work, I couldn’t feel anything below my waist – no more contractions!  It was heavenly!  At this time they also started giving me Pitosin to also help things progress.
 
three
When the shifts changed around 7:00am the next doctor and delivery nurse came in to introduce themselves.  This was just shortly after I had the epidural.  The doctor’s name was Dr. Bedia; he would be the one to deliver you.  He said that things were starting to progress and that I would probably deliver you around 3:00pm.  I found it ironic after all of those prenatal doctor visits that I would have a doctor that I hadn’t seen before, but it didn’t matter to me because I immediately liked him and his personality.  He told us that he was going to go do some reading on how to deliver a baby and said that he would see us later on.  Ha ha!  He was very funny.  I was relieved that our new doctor and nurse were very good and both were going to be great help during the delivery.  We called our family to give them the update and told them that we would keep them posted but it would still be awhile before you were born.

four
Next thing we knew it was time for the 8:00am check and the nurse said that I was fully dilated and we would start pushing soon.  “What?”  Your dad and I both looked at each other and had the same look on our faces “It’s happening now?!”  We were both surprised because we thought that we still had a half a day or longer of sitting around waiting.  So then your dad had to call everyone back and say “Never mind, it’s happening now!”  Our nurse then paged the doctor and began getting everything ready for the baby.

Soon Dr. Bedia came back in the room with a surprised look on his face and said “But I only got through Chapter 1 of my book!”  That made us laugh!  Then almost immediately the room started filling up with all kinds of bright lights, equipment, and nurses.  Just as we were about to start doing the big pushes, Christina burst through the door.  I was so glad that she made it in time!  Aunt Mel and Christina stood on both sides of me to help me push and your dad sat right up by my face so that he wouldn’t get queasy. 

I wondered how in the world this would work since I didn’t feel like I had much energy from lack of sleep and then also because my legs and entire lower body were numb.  But everyone helped me because they could tell when I was having a contraction by looking at the monitor and would tell me when it was time to push and when to just relax.  I pushed hard again and again using the breathing techniques that they taught me in our Lamaze classes.  It wasn’t too long and Dr. Bedia said to stop pushing for a minute because you were ready to come out.

five!
Dr. Bedia cut the umbilical cord free because it had started to wrap around your neck a little and with one last push you came out.  We could hear crying and then all of the sudden Dr. Bedia announced “It’s a girl!” and he layed you on my chest.  Mommy and daddy started crying because we were so happy to see you in person and know that you were ok.  Mommy was especially proud of your dad - he made it through the whole thing without fainting and even had the courage to watch you come out!  You were such a beautiful baby!  Everyone in the room just stood in awe of you, all witnesses to our little miracle – our precious baby girl.


3.04.2013

a seasonal bookshelf

While the weather is still plenty cold and snow covers the ground, thoughts of spring happily enter my mind.  Isn't February ironically always the longest month of the year?  Thank goodness it's March!  I'm ready to get out of the house, breathe some fresh air, and feel my feet hit the pavement.  

I am staying as busy as I can with things to do around the house because I know that when the nice weather hits, we will be outside as much as possible.  I get so involved with new projects (isn't there always a better way to organize something?) sometimes I forget about old ones that are working great - as is.

We have been using this bookshelf for almost 3 years now (and AJ has yet to climb it...which would potentially almost certainly break a dowel rod)  At the time we designed the playroom, I showed Dan a few photos and being the amazingly talented husband that he is, he whipped this up in no time.  It fills in wall space in the playroom nicely without looking heavy, sticking out very far, or taking up precious floor space.  The bright colors from children's books coordinate nicely with the rest of the playroom (maybe I'll post some pictures when it's clean?)  I love it.  

But what I love most is seeing my kids take books off the shelf and sit down to read or bring them to me to read.  It's great! We keep board books near the bottom for AJ and nicer ones toward the top for Hannah.  We have quite a collection of kids books going now which is fun because we can rotate the books in the playroom seasonally.  Today we dug through the books and found as many with bunnies and chicks and spring colors as we could.  Yay for Spring...it's almost here!

2.28.2013

happy 66th birthday dad

Today I brewed a cup to celebrate my dad in my birthday mug.  (remember this post?)  I wasn't going to smile.  But then this just happened out of nowhere:




















I couldn't help it.  A smile appeared just as those tears slid down my cheeks and dripped off my chin.  He would have thought that was funny.  I mean whipped cream hair?  How does one not laugh at that.  More importantly he would want me to smile.

There are some days when I miss him more, and today is just one of those days.  I think it always will be.  I feel a sadness that is so consuming it feels as if someone were sitting on my chest and I can't breathe.  

But...I allow myself to truly feel this overwhelming sadness, and what comes next is an overwhelming joy.  I go through an old box of things that are mine, that my dad saved.  Things that I gave him. Like this card.  There are Hallmark stickers on it dated 1983, I was 6.  
















A book I gave him titled "Why a Daughter Needs a Dad" and written in the cover:




(And one of my  favorite reasons:
"A daughter needs a dad so she will know what it is like to be somebody's favorite.")









And of course, there are photos.












One of our first.  My dad, age 30, so handsome.













Here he is happily making the world's best pancakes.













Teaching me to fish at the lake.












Here he is playing in the snow with his dad.  It just seems so fitting this time of year.


And now it's time to raise your mug, whatever it be, and whatever be inside:

we send up a toast
to a life well spent
to memories we cherish
until we meet again 
we miss you
we love you  
happy birthday dad!

1.15.2013

a barn and a stable for christmas

We took a break from basement work in December and worked on a little handmade toy project for the kids.  A barn for AJ, a stable for Hannah.  When we came up with the idea to make a gift for each of them we knew right away that AJ needed a barn.  It was a little more difficult to decide what to do for Hannah; originally we thought maybe dollhouse but the idea didn't seem to fit.  Then totally out of the blue she told me that she would like "some horses and fences and stuff to play with."  The stable idea was born!  It was fun to work together to design coordinating pieces and also use up some of that scrap wood in the garage.  So happy with the result and the kids were thrilled!











12.26.2012

good good news!

Hannah's Christmas Program at Lutheran Church of Hope.  In her precious way, she reminds us what this season is all about.


12.20.2012

the 1st snow 2012

hannah's first snowmobile ride today with daddy.
her hello kitty hat seems so appropriate now.

They are saying it's about 13" deep.  For some I am sure it is an annoyance but I feel like my father has wrapped me in a blanket.  I am feeling so deeply blessed this Christmas season.  

amy

ps. Dad - your sled, your jacket, your legacy...it lives on.