dear hannah

july 2011

It's true what they say; when you become a mom, your heart leaves your body. It started in the hospital just after you were born - handing you over to someone else that wanted a turn to hold the baby. Across the room from me was too far away. Over the last three and a half years (we could never forget the "half") there have been many times that I have had to practice this very same thing; letting go. Sometimes it is easier because I know that you need me to let you go, and undoubtedly there have also been times that I have needed it. But every time, regardless of circumstance, when you are away from me I miss you. I believe this process of letting you go will only become more and more difficult over the years to come.

But something that makes it easier and worth the heartache of letting you go, is simply watching you. I love to do this when you aren't looking. I observe what a gentle, loving, smart, hilarious, creative, and simply fantastic kid you are. I see this in the way you talk to AJ as you reach to give him a kiss on his forehead telling him "I know baby, I know" in the sweetest voice ever heard. You share all of your blankets with him (and he doesn't seem to mind that they are pink or purple). I am amazed at your artwork, and that most often you create with someone else in mind. I see this in the way you "freestyle" dance, and hear it in your prayers as you thank God for things like "eating together" before a meal. I would love to keep you this age forever! For your sake, I will do my best to let you go. I hope that in the years to come when I am worried about you, or scared to let you go, that I remember to simply take a step back to watch you and the beautiful person you are.

XXOO mom