these walls

We are nearly done.  A project that began near the end of April 2005. Lord knows there are still plenty of things on the "I'd Like To" or "When We Have Extra Time/Money" lists, but we are calling it done with the hope of a few upgrades in the next year in a few years ......eh, someday.

You may have guessed I'm talking about our house. It all began with an empty lot and a hole. And a couple of crazy young married kids. First time homeowners, first time home builders. Why not?  

Dan has worked so hard to custom build it exactly how I want it. That is far from easy when you are dealing with an art major having a strong attention to detail...not to mention her head in the clouds. I know how quickly many contractors labeled my cell number with the tag "do not answer" (right Chad)?

We moved into our house in October of 2005.  I specifically remember Green Day "Wake Me Up When September Ends" on repeat both on the radio and in our worn out little hearts. After moving in we spent many years customizing closets, hanging crown moulding, and repainting (isn't it just hilarious how different paint samples look on the card under florescent lighting at Home Depot vs. your own interior walls?  It's just plain hil.ar.i.ous, isn't it honey?). Then we had a baby and then another which sparked the flame to finish the basement. That was two years ago. We knew it was inevitable as soon as we heard those magical three words "it's a boy" and our spare bedroom that we frequently use for guests became AJ's bedroom. Anyone notice that it took about 5 months to build our entire house and 2 years to finish a basement? KIDS. In the past few months as we have been finishing the final details on the basement I have thought often about just what finishing this house means to us.  

We both come from families having parents that divorced when we were in college, and as a result of the divorces the houses that each of us grew up in were sold. I lived in that house for my entire life, Dan for the majority of his grade school years. I believe we both have made the best of those dramatic life changes and tantrums on the matter seem to have subsided. As we finish things up, I can't help but let my mind go back to that change and how much it means that we both have a house we truly call "home."

Since my parents split I have always hated the expression "Home Is Where Your Heart Is." Nope, you won't find that cross-stitched on any throw pillows or hand painted in mauves and blues on any plaques in my house. Maybe it's just me, but something seems to be missing from the expression. It sounds like something someone that hasn't lost a home would say. Knowing with certainty that family is most important, would it be ok for just this post to recognize that your home is more than just a place? Is it possible to remember your childhood home without feeling some type of longing, just as you would for a person?

I believe this song speaks about what is missing from the expression. It could be because I grew up in the 80's and my dad played Amy Grant all the time, I don't know but this song has never been far from my memories of home. But now as I hear this song, instead of sadness, anger, or regret over 4601 Meadow Lane, I smile picturing this house that we built.  And I imagine our walls already have a few stories to tell.

~amy

If These Walls Could Speak

Songwriter: Jimmy Webb

Artist: Amy Grant

If these old walls, if these old walls could speak
Of things that they remember well
Stories and faces dearly held

A couple in love livin' week to week
Rooms full of laughter
If these walls could speak

If these old halls, hallowed halls could talk
These would have a tale to tell
Of sun goin' down and dinner bell
And children playing at hide and seek from floor to rafter

If these halls could speak
They would tell you that I'm sorry
For bein' cold and blind and weak
They would tell you that it's only
That I have a stubborn streak
If these walls could speak

If these old fashioned window panes were eyes
I guess they would have seen it all
Each little tear and sigh and footfall
And every dream that we came to seek or followed after

If these walls could speak
They would tell you that I owe you
More than I could ever pay
Here's someone who really loves you
Don't ever go away
That's what these walls would say

They would tell you that I owe you
More than I could ever pay
Here's someone who really loves you
Don't ever go away
That's what these walls would say

That's what these walls would say
That's what these walls would say